Posted on March 04 2020
Marriage Is A Two-Way Street - Are You Ready For It?
From a very young age, we have witnessed love in all kinds of ways. We have seen familial love which is shared by parents, children, siblings, and even amongst extended families – and of course, grandparents. If you’re lucky enough to have been allowed a pet in your house or apartment complex when you’re a kid, then you’re probably familiar with pet love as well. It’s that irreplaceable bond that you share with your pet; it goes beyond words and understanding. You literally cannot understand what the other is saying but still, you get attached to them big time. After that, we go on to school, experience all kinds of things including love for friends, mentors, classmates, and all that.
Then at one point in our lives, we finally get to experience “it.”
“It” is a kind of feeling like no other. You know what love is; you understand what love felt like. But this time, it seems different. It’s more profound and much more mesmerizing. If you aren’t careful enough, if you don’t consciously stand your ground, it feels as if something is going to eat you alive. It makes your heart beat faster, your stomach throb from the inside. There are these bolt-like sensations stinging your chest whenever it’s triggered by a familiar stimulus. And uncontrollably, something draws you towards this stimulus. It beckons you like that Chinese cat with its right paw continually urging you to come into its direction. You surrendered.
Eventually, you realize that it was your first encounter of romantic love. If you’re lucky (or hardworking) enough, your feelings get reciprocated and the feelings become mutual. If you’re even luckier, you might still be with that same love up to this day. If you’re not and it took you many attempts before actually reaching this point, well, don’t worry. All’s well that ends well. The most important thing now is that you have someone you hold very close to heart. How do I know this? It’s quite simple.
It’s because you’re here.
You wouldn’t be reading this if thoughts of marriage have never crossed your mind yet. I can take a good guess about what’s going on in your head right now. For starters, you most likely have a very special woman in your life. You love her – more than anyone, more than anything in the world, even more than yourself. It is your greatest wish to make her the happiest woman alive and you would do everything in your power to make that come true. And now, you’re thinking that the best way to do that is to be with her for the rest of your life – to love, hold, and support her forever.
In short, you’re probably thinking of popping the big question and getting hitched.
I don’t mean to be a kill joy during this momentous and life-changing revelry but I just want to ask you one thing: Are you 100% sure you’re ready?
Why You Shouldn’t Take Marriage Lightly
When you’re young, in-love, and in the heat of the moment, it’s easy to make choices. In fact, it’s easy to talk big. After all, love gives you that sort of confidence. It gives you this euphoric feeling – like you’re king of the world and everything you desire is possible. But that is the passionate side of love. And according to Sternberg’s triangular theory, that is only 1 side of love. It’s the fiery, impatient, and rowdy part. Aside from this burning feeling, there are two others.
The other one is intimacy – but I’m sure you also have this down, don’t you? I bet you would argue to the ends of the earth with anyone who tries to tell you otherwise. But we’re talking about lifelong intimacy here, you and your partner’s ability to connect and stay connected even after a very, very long time. Intimacy is not just hugs and kisses; it’s closeness on a fundamental level. It’s your capacity and ability to understand your partner down to the very core, and her to you. Marriage is the greatest friendship you’ll ever work on. At the end of the day, when the passions simmer down, it is what will remain.
Last but definitely not least: Commitment. That’s right; it is but a single word but it is also heavy with meaning. Commitment goes beyond just “marrying one” and “staying married with one.” You can be faithfully married but still not committed. After all, true commitment is when you surrender yourself – mind, body, and heart. Your thoughts, actions, words, and feelings should stay true throughout the test of time. There will be bumps and bruises but you need to have what it takes to go above and beyond all the heartaches and pains. That is what true commitment looks like.
So, that’s the triangular theory of love. Do you think that the same triangle can be mirrored by your current relationship? If it’s all passion, it won’t work. If it’s all intimacy, it won’t work. Any combination of two, won’t work. You’ll need all three factors to really make a relationship work. Otherwise, you’ll fall into these skewed categories:
If you’re true wish is to make the girl of your dreams happy for a lifetime, you should think a thousand times if you’re ready to take on such a huge step. Also…
What About Her?
Marriage is not a one-lane alley. It’s always a two-way street. Even if you feel like you’re truly ready now, how about the other party? What does your girl think? Even if you don’t ask her directly, what do her actions tell you? All too often, we get a little too excited and overwhelmed to even consider anything that’s happening outside of us. This limits our vision and perception – and frankly, it makes us appear selfish with our actions.
Maybe she still has goals she wants to achieve? Maybe she’s just not ready yet?
Remember: Just because someone isn’t ready yet doesn’t mean they do not love you. It is because they love you that they want to do it when they’re ready. Putting your beloved on the spot with a grand proposal in front of her friends when clearly, she’s not yet at that point is just coercion. And you don’t really want to get an answer just because she felt like she needed to give you one. Be considerate and meet her halfway. Marriage is most beautiful when both parties are really ready for it.